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STORIES FROM THE 44TH PARALLEL

Freelance Writer & Photographer in Michigan

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  • Marianne Kuzimski

The Yard Enforcer, Part 1

Updated: Jan 31



It is always exciting to get a package in the mail, but not nearly as exciting as receiving a Yard Enforcer! Even the packaging looked promising with its, “Don’t Hurt ‘Em, Just Squirt ‘Em!” claims.

Eager as a kid on Christmas morning, I tore open the package to find the pieces all neatly nestled in cardboard supports so it could be shipped safely without damage.

I peeled the sections carefully out of the cardboard, found the instructions showing how to put it together, then piece-by-piece set to assembling my very own Yard Enforcer.

This bad boy looked wicked mean. I likened it to a Special-Ops Military Badass, as I mounted the all-seeing eye just under the sprinkler head. After loading up the battery pack I headed outside to finish setting it up. It was nearly ready for action.

Stretching out 100 feet of hose, the Enforcer wasn’t quite as close to the lake as I wanted, but with a 70-foot total blasting range and the ability to spray in a 360-degree radius, I was sure it would be enough to keep a large horde of geese away.

Getting the hose hooked up and the Enforcer firmly planted into the ground, I tested its reaction time and decided it worked pretty darn good. I fine tuned the range, duration, and angle of the motion sensor, then left it to do its job.

The first victim was my husband.

I told him to stay far to the south in order to stay out of range, but I should have also warned him how good the sensor worked, how quick the sprayer head zipped around, and that the edge of the property was a teeny bit close to the spray zone.

We had a quick laugh and played like kids in the yard sprinkler testing the motion sensor at all angles just to see how dependable it would be. It was really a lot of fun setting it up, as it seems to sneak up and get when you think you are in the clear.

The Yard Enforcer’s next victim was hosed down around 7am this morning.

Letting the dogs out to do their business after having their breakfast, the littler of the two soon let off the stranger danger howl. Hearing his warning was somewhat of a surprise being we usually don’t have strangers walking around the property… Especially not so early in the morning.

Being it is a gorgeous summer weekend, and the vacationers were packing their summer toys into the area by truck loads since noon yesterday, I suppose it should not have been a surprise that some dude decided to take his morning jog along the lake shore.

Not even 10 seconds after the alert was sounded, the Yard Enforcer spotted the unsuspecting yard encroacher and chased him all the way across the sea wall and out of the yard!

The look of shock on the guys face was priceless as he scrambled away taking a couple backwards glances at the sentinel that attacked him on his run. It was so hilarious, in fact, that I laughed about it all morning. I should also report that the jogger did not come back through on his way home. He must’ve decided to take the road with the other morning walkers and runners.

Those geese were in for it, and I could not wait to see more of the action unfold!

By 9am, the hordes of geese started making their way to my front yard. There were six large rafts of them all swimming in their individual groups toward the gorgeous greenery that beckoned them in for breakfast… Our front lawn.


The first raft of geese.

“Come on, you turd tossers!” I cackled, feeling much like the Wicked Witch of the North. I could barely contain my giddiness as they floated closer and closer to my yard.

Keeping my phone ready for the photos I was sure to capture, I waited impatiently as they floated just 10 feet away from the sea wall, and then slowly swam away.

“What the…”

I couldn’t believe they took one look at the lawn and swam away. Being a social bird, the first raft of geese must have passed on the word to the rest because all of them decided to pass by without getting in range of the Yard Enforcer.

Did they recognize the silent sentinel standing guard in the middle of our lawn?

Once again, we will have to wait a little longer to find out.

Until next time…


#yardenforcer #goose #deterrent #nuisance