The Big Fat Diet

As I canned and stored away the last batch of salsa last weekend, I reminded myself why it would be worth the wait to try this sugar-sweetened concoction at a later date.

“Perhaps around the holidays,” I assured myself.

While breakfast lay in my gut like Quikrete cement, I wondered at the science behind this new diet plan, and how I would get through 2-months committed to reducing carbs.

According to an online quiz, I could be at my ultimate goal weight by November if I BUY their meal plan. Being the low-fat diet has been a struggle lately, I thought, why not try eliminating sugar and beef up the fat and protein so long as the end results are just as healthy?

Now before you go on thinking I paid for this diet plan, I didn’t. But I did find a friend that toots this low-carb diet horn, and he said he could help guide us through. Besides his help, I found tons of free, online guides to aide in figuring out the do’s and don’ts of a low-carb diet.

Thinking back to the no-sugar diet I tried in 2019 (that yielded fantastic results, by the way), I understood this low-carb diet would be a bit of a trial, but it is a FACT that cutting out sugar would be beneficial in more ways than just weight loss.

Cutting sugar:

1. Provides lasting stamina

2. Blasts away belly fat

3. Reduces risk of diabetes

4. Lowers risk of heart disease

5. Helps your skin look younger

Being the tenacious type, I reminded myself again, “You can do this!”

Having determined a goal, and having the support of my husband, meals should be beyond easy… right?

Day 1 started with eggs and sausage for breakfast. At the sound of eggs sizzling in a pan full of real butter, and the smell of sausage links wafting through the house, my husband chuckled with glee. “I like this diet already!”

When the cheesy bratwursts and side of sliced cheese lay on his plate at lunchtime, he said, “I can’t believe we can eat like this and lose weight!”

As dinnertime rolled around and bacon cheeseburgers slathered in jalapenos, cream cheese and pickles were wolfed down with zest, he moaned, “Oh yeah, this is good!”

That evening as my husband bounced around the house like the energizer bunny, I felt as though the cement in my gut had oozed up to my eyelids.

“Can we go to bed yet?” I groaned.

“It’s only 8:00,” he protested, “Can’t you wait a little longer?”

By 9:00pm, I plummeted into bed feeling as if I could sleep for a week, but it wasn’t long before the first day’s dieting expedition reared its ugly head.

By 11:00pm, I flipped and flopped in the bed trying to find comfort for my aching stomach. As acid reflux gurgled in the back of my throat, the hot night seemed to increase 5 degrees every minute, and the extra water drank through the evening expanded my bladder to an uncomfortable, softball-sized lump. Making a beeline to the bathroom, I peed for what seemed an eternity while my tummy protested the fatty conglomeration that my body worked hard to digest.

Stumbling over to the window next, I fumbled for the handle and soon enjoyed a slight, but cool breeze. Wrangling the fan so it pointed directly at my side of the bed and turning it on high and lay back down on the hot sheets wondering when I would start cooling off.

Fixating on the blazing inferno under my head, you would’ve thought that someone had just warmed my pillow in the dryer it was so HOT! Pinpricks of sweat dotted my skull feeling like itchy bugs crawling through my hair. Angrily, I pulled it up into a ponytail, holding it off my skin in hopes of cooling off quicker. As my arm sagged with fatigue, I dared to get the shears out and divest myself of the heavy mop once and for all if I weren’t so dang tired.

Ever the worrier, my kitty climbed up next to me and started her therapeutic purring. She wasn’t there for long after being tossed around like a chef salad among the pillows and blankets as I fought to get comfortable.

Reading that some people suffered from headaches, insomnia and brain fog the first couple of weeks during the diet, it was no surprise that I wrestled with pillows and blankets all night waking to a bellyache of greasy foods that I thought would surely be stuck in there forever.

In comparison, my husband slept like the dead and jumped out of bed raring to go.

“I feel great!” he said as I drug myself out of bed wondering if I had even slept a wink. Mind you, he hasn’t sounded this chipper in the morning for several years, so this morning was quite perplexing in how differently we were adjusting.

This particular morning was an eat and run type of morning, so instead of a breakfast buffet of greasy-grease topped with more grease, my husband gobbled up a plateful of warmed-up bacon and sausage and ran out the door. Meanwhile, I sipped my coffee while trying not to vomit from the smell of meat.

Later, in attempt to have breakfast, I poked a small hunk of cold bacon in my mouth and tried to chew. Memories of ‘cleaning my plate’ as a child flitted through my mind as I crammed in a half of a cold sausage link alongside the fatty, hickory-smoked rubber-band in hopes of speeding up the process, and then my throat slammed shut when it was time to swallow.

“Spit it out!” my belly yelled in protest.

“Do it now!” my throat tightened as if a boa constrictor were wrapped around my neck.

Instead, I knocked back as much coffee as I could hold in an already full mouth and guzzled the greasy goo in one giant gulp. Holding onto my stomach and willing it to accept its breakfast without spewing, I wondered about how healthy this diet was. And with more than 2 decades of practice eating a low-fat diet, the ability to swallow fatty goo I had been avoiding for years reinforced this diet was WRONG.

But I had committed to 2 months.

Willing to experiment with this new idea, I decided to count my calorie intake as a backup, just to make sure I wasn’t putting on the hog too much. The other thing I decided was to find other things to eat besides bacon, sausage and hotdogs.

As fried chicken, pork chops and steaks made their way back onto the menu, contentment at dinnertime equaled days cheating on a low-fat diet. This plan was feeling like I was getting away with murder! But adding up the calories everyday proved I was staying in check.

The first week yielded a 3 pound loss, and by the end of it, I was feeling much more comfortable with the plan. The fatigued days and restless nights lasted for three days, and though I expected a 5 pound loss like my husband, my waistline feels smaller.

So far, so good. Now the trick will be finding new dishes to try in order to keep things exciting and new.

Have you tried a low-carb diet? What was your favorite meal idea?

Thanks so much for reading!

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DiGuillo, Sarah, May 8, 2018, 6 Good Things That Happen to Your Body When You Quit Sugar,

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